You want to make it as easy as humanly possible to fulfil this new habit. Whatever it is, you’ve gotta make it supremely easy to see through.
So if your new habit is that you will be starting each day by going to the gym, then lay out your work out clothes the night before and pack everything you need. Get your work clothes ready in the bathroom for afterwards so that when you get home you can jump straight in the shower and go to work as soon as you’re done. Set the timer on the coffee maker or make sandwiches the night before so that you have breakfast ready to go and don’t have to spend any time on that in the morning.
Be kind to your future self the night before and get stuff ready.
Let this be your new favourite word: EASY EASY EASY. When you feel any resistance to wanting to do the thing, remember how easy you’ve made it for yourself to jump straight into the new habit. Set several alarm clocks, some at varying distances from the bed so you actually have to get up to switch them off. Do whatever it takes!
You already have a bunch of habits. Some healthier than others.
From brushing your teeth in the morning,
to putting one sock on before the other (it’s probably usually the same foot you start with but you’ve never thought about it because it’s totally automatic),
to checking your mirrors before driving off in your car,
to eating those cookies when you feel sad,to perusing your phone while you’re on the toilet…the list is endless. .
So why not make this new habit as easy as possible? Get the older more established habits to do the heavy lifting, and let the new habit ride along for free. In other words, whenever you do something old, add the new thing. Stack those bad boys on to your other habits!
If you want to keep hydrated, drink a glass of water (new habit) before every meal (old habit).
If you want to feel more confident, tell yourself you’re awesome while looking in the mirror (part of developing new habit) every time you go to the bathroom (old habit).
If you want to quiet the inner turmoil, do a meditation (new habit) before bedtime (old habit).
You see what I’m saying? Think of every single thing that you do multiple times a day. These are all great opportunities to engage in the new habit. Drinking, eating, going to the bathroom, standing up and leaving the room…etc. Use these opportunities to do the new habit and to say your affirmation that you designed yesterday!
In fact, what are you waiting for? Say it right now! Say it LOUD! Like you believe it!
Say it first thing in the morning, and last thing at night.
Share it with a friend.
Whisper it to your pet.
Say it when you’re driving.
When you go check the postbox.
When you look at your watch.
When you stand up and stretch.
Say it when you eat ice cream.
Sing it in the shower.
Repeat it when you’re doing yoga.
Say it all day long! Say it out loud. Write it down. Say it like you mean it!
Every moment is an opportunity to cement in the new mantra. Remember when forming new beliefs and new habits, repetition is your friend!
Do you have the life you want? Are you truly 100% happy? Right now in this moment, do you have everything that you have ever wanted?
If not, what is holding you back?
Self-Limiting Beliefs.
Sometimes we hold ourselves back with our self-limiting beliefs. We make excuses or find “reasons” why it’s too hard for us to have the life we truly want, or to change the things we are unhappy with.
Beliefs are thoughts that you have persistently thought over and over again -Until they become ingrained. Until they become part of your belief system. The most fantastic thing is that you can change your thoughts. So if you’re not happy with how you feel right now, or how your life looks right now YOU can change this. Life has trained us to think a certain way, but we are not a VICTIM to the situation – We are the CREATOR of the situation. We can change the way we think, the way we feel, and how we live our lives.
Some beliefs we feel are almost ‘automatic’. We have carried them with us from childhood. Some of our beliefs, our mother had, or our father had. They believed these things and acted accordingly, and demonstrated to us that “this is how life is” so we came to believe this too. Life conditioned us, our experiences conditioned us. We followed our rolemodels.
But the amazing news is we just have to reprogram the way we think.
This sounds huge but is actually really, really simple.
It takes a little time and effort – like developing a muscle. If we want to be stronger then we work out at the gym, or exercise every day. It’s the same way with the mind. We have to train and flex, to make our mind stronger, and train in focusing our thoughts on what we want, not what we don’t want.
We are all deserving of love. We are all deserving of a truly fullfilling MAGNIFICANT life. No one is forcing us to have a life we feel trapped in, or not in control of. The hardest pill to swallow is when we realise that WE are the ones pinching ourselves off from the love and success. WE are the ones blocking ourselves, resisting with our thoughts and beliefs. We are the ONLY ones who hold that power.
We have been working against ourselves without even knowing it.
I run a short 6 week program that teaches you how to reprogram and reset your mind, but you have to be committed to this for it to work.
The SATURATED LOVE BOOTCAMP will teach you how to connect with a genuine love for yourself and upgrade your life to one that you truly enjoy. It will teach you that you are deserving of your best life, A five-star life, and teach you how to fill yourself up from within, instead of scrabbling for external outside sources to fill the void that you are feeling. When you find the power to fill yourself up from within, no one can ever make you feel anything negative again because no external event or source has that power over you or your feelings – unless you let it. By learning how to develop these “muscles” of focus, we choose where we want to focus our thoughts and feelings and build the life we want, rather than acting on autopilot and just feeling like life is “happening to us”. It’s OUR life. WE get to decide.
No more allowing people to make us feel bad, or unworthy. The SATURATED LOVE BOOTCAMP teaches you to set high standards for yourself.
If you’re ready to stop living a half-assed life, and ready to saturate your life with love by embarking on this AMAZING journey of self discovery and self improvement then join me HERE. Set your sights high and let’s do this together!
This is a healthy dessert that your children will not even realise is healthy. They will feel like they have just indulged big time.
This is for those times you want something sweet and chocolatey but something that’s free from tonnes of additives and refined sugars.
Ingredients:
10 dates (remove the pits if they are not already removed.)
1 can of cold coconut milk from the fridge (not low-fat or ‘light’)
a handful of almonds *
5 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla powder
* You can make this nut-free by substituting the same amount of almonds with blended sunflower seeds, and adding in 2 tbsp of chia seeds.
Method:
Put the can of coconut milk in the fridge the night before.
In fact, from now on you may want to keep a can of coconut milk in your refridgerator permanently in case the desire to make a decadent dessert suddenly strikes. Then you’re always ready.
This is the easiest dessert in the world. Just blend all the ingredients together. Then you can pop this back in the fridge to chill until you’re ready to enjoy it.
Top with some berries to make it extra special. I also like to sprinkle some dessicated coconut, chia seeds, or chopped toasted nuts on top. Just follow your heart and do whatever you think will taste good. I usually go for blueberries because of all their added health benefits, but I always look out for what’s cheap at the supermarket.
I find it crazy that you need a license to do something like, say, fishing – but there are no rules or obligatory preparation for becoming a parent. I’m not saying that there should be, but my point is this: It is infinitely more complex to become a parent, and be a good one, than so many other things that there are very clear rules and regulations for.
Anyone can become a parent.
You can be a parent on ‘autopilot’, living moment-to-moment, going through life without giving a second thought to the effects of your actions on this other person’s life. This other little person that you chose to bring into the world. Anyone can be a half-assed parent.
The quest is to be a good parent.
Being a good parent doesn’t mean killing yourself trying to be the ‘perfect’ parent, or the ‘best’ parent. These things are impossible, and breed competition, rivalry, exhaustion, and burn-out.
Also, an a different note, what does that type of parenting role model for your children? Striving to do the impossible, killing yourself trying to live up to an ideal that is actually a fantasy and not a reality – this teaches you to ignore your own body and mind’s cues saying you need to rest and replenish. This also leaves you always feeling inadequate as you can never reach this impossible goal. This is a breeding ground for low self-esteem and insecurity. It’s like trying to look like the airbrushed models in the magazines: You will never succeed as that is not how they look in reality. It’s not real. Is that what you want to teach your children? That they are not good enough unless they’re ‘perfect’? Which, actually they will never be, so therefore you actions are teaching them that they will never be good enough.
Children learn through what they see and experience, not just what you tell them with your words.
The key to successful parenting is simple.
So the key is this: Don’t try to be perfect, but also don’t live in apathy.
Anyone can be a half-assed parent. Anyone can spend less time on parenting and more time and attention on how they look, the brand of their clothes, their friends, and how things are going at work.
Being a parent is a responsibility. It is something we chose to do. Whether you feel ready for the responsibility or not, it is there. It’s not something you can switch off. It is not something you can shrug your shoulders at, or wash your hands of.
Whatever you decide to do will affect your children.
I don’t say this to inspire fear, but to remind us of what an important job we’ve undertaken. In a society that values people by their income and attaches dollar signs to everything, the role of parenthood is sometimes downplayed.
My message is clear.
We need to be aware parents. We need to know ourselves. When we tune into ourselves we are better able to tune into our children and their needs.
Operating on autopilot, with blinkers on, will no longer suffice. We can’t wait till an issue arises to deal with it. We can’t wait for the shit to hit the fan to take action, because then we will be firefighting. Firefighting isn’t just a problem because it’s stressful and not a fun way to live. It is also a problem because you are just keeping your head above water if you are only dealing with quelling problems. This is not reaching your full potential or living your best life – far from it. Nor does this help your children lead their best lives, and isn’t that what it’s all really about?
Rise up.
Self awareness is key. We need to know ourselves as people, in order to know ourselves as parents.
If we are to look after someone else, we need to look after our selves. How can we know how to best look after our needs if we can’t identify them? If we need rest and relaxation because we are on the brink of burn-out from trying too hard, how will we be able to do that if we don’t know what relaxes us or brings us joy?
Or how will we know what provokes us to anger in stressful situations if we don’t know ourselves and don’t know our triggers?
I think we can all think of times where we have inadvertently gotten angry and ended up shouting at our child because we’ve been triggered by something that they’ve done. We may not have meant to shout at them but something in us just reacted. We end up feeling bad and guilty afterwards because it’s as if we know the whole thing could have been avoided. Is this how we want to live? Reacting? Feeling out of control and unable to stop, then later guilty?
Dig deep.
Get to know yourself.
We need to live authentically for ourselves and for our families. We need to spend time on our own needs, as well as others’. Otherwise we are just leading a half-assed life, a life without colour or flavour. A life of rinse and repeat, again and again, until one day it was over. Done. A life finished – but not complete.
We don’t know how long we have on this wonderful planet, we should be using each day wisely. Being the best we can be in all areas. Life is too short to waste, and no one is going to come along and change it for us.
We are the drivers, we are in control. We must take responsibility for the life that we see before us. If we don’t like what we see, I’m sorry to say it, but we are the ones who have created it. The good news is we are the ones who created it! That means we are also the ones who can change it if it needs changing.
It’s time to rise up.
Anyone can be a parent. Anyone can live an okay, mediocre, “survivable” life. But we shouldn’t be surviving and just getting by, we should be thriving and growing; as parents and as people.
Work on yourself. It is possible to be work in progress and a masterpiece at the same time. Any work you do on yourself is an investment in yourself, your future, and the future of your children.
Hit me up for inspiration or tips on how to start if you’re not sure how. There’s a free consultation session waiting for you if you’d like to talk some of this through. Just get in touch.
Camilla Gammelgaard-Baker worked together with Melissa LaVilla Labial to translate this wonderful children’s book from Danish into English.
This book is for children with parents suffering from depression and anxiety. Giving children who live in a difficult environment a voice of their own and helping them understand their parent’s disease.
Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the awesome human being we are.
Sign up for Parenting Love Letters from Camilla, and to celebrate the beauty in human imperfection.
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Okay, so you’ve decided you’d like some coaching. Now the question is, why choose me?
You have got to listen to your gut feeling on this one. You will know who is the right Parenting Coach for you, so just trust yourself. Maybe have a free consultation session with a few different coaches and see who you click best with, or who makes the most sense according to your lifestyle and values.
I’ve spent 8 years studying psychology, three of which were specifically geared towards children and adolsecents and their families. This focused very much on how our childhood experiences affect us and help to shape us into the adults we later become. I’ve worked in several kindergartens and schools, and run three projects for a charity organisation offering children therapy in schools, while also running my private practice. I have helped hundreds of families and children.
However, all this experience and knowledge did still not fully prepare me for actually becoming a parent myself. It’s one thing to be educated to help others, and a whole other thing to experience it yourself. It was raw, it was sometimes painful and it was such a huge indescribable change in my life. It turned my life upside down.
So I know what it is like. I know how challenging it can be.
Despite having studied for all those years, when it’s your own child it just feels different. They pull on your heart strings, and they push all your buttons – even ones you didn’t know were there!
How I went from sometimes struggling parent to thriving parent
Even with all the information and knowledge I had, I still experienced feelings of confusion and inadequacy. There was so much contradictory information about what to do and how to parent. Everyone was telling me to do different things, and I was so tired that I was sometimes just trying to cope and survive. I was probably parenting the way I wanted to for about 20% of the time, and was acting on autopilot for 80% of the time, just repeating patterns from my own childhood, or semi-blindly following other people’s advice.
Because I wasn’t following my own parenting intuition and wasn’t looking after myself properly I was tired and overwhelmed and felt incredibly disconnected from myself.
Once I woke up to this and started putting things into place to support myself I turned it all around.
By being more present and living in a more connected and conscious way I now feel much better equipped with whatever comes. Life is still throwing me crazy curveballs – that never stops – but now I feel like I’m knocking them out of the ballpark by living an authentic life that really suits me. I am now parenting the way I consciously want to about 80% of the time, and less so around 20% of the time. There is always room for improvement, because there are always external factors we can’t fully control and also unconscious motivators and patterns playing a part in our lives. But life isn’t static, there is no end destination – we are on a constant journey – so that is to be expected. We will never be 100% perfect, and part of growing and evolving is letting go of that illusion. It only keeps us stuck in feelings of inadequacy and comparison with others rather than helping us accept where we are at and embracing our strengths and identifying our difficulties.
We are all so unique and only we can know what will make us truly happy. No one else can dictate to us what we should be doing with our lives or our children, and if we were to live by someone else’s words or values we would lose ourselves and we’d feel like our lives were missing something; some deeper connection.
I am here to help you connect with your inner resourceful parent, to listen to your inner voice and to stand by what it tells you. In a world full of uncertainty and confusing information I’m here to help you find out what works for you and your family. There are thousands of different ways to parent and to live a happy, thriving life. Let’s together find what works for you!
Book a free consultation now so we can identify your strengths and needs as a parent, and get you on track to living the life you envision for yourself.
